Yes, misogyny is definitely real and Black women experience this and can relate as well. I guess my issue is that you keep relating these things only to you as a white women, but Black women are getting this from both sides. Where you may feel that at times you need to fear Black men, we must fear both but for different reasons. You never have to worry about a white man having racist feelings against you. Chances are there aren't many Black people in positions of power who hold your financial fate in their hands. Systemic racism is a much bigger issue than one-offs with people who as a white woman, you actually have the ability to limit contact with. As Black women, if we want to work, a place to live, to get a loan, etc., 9 times out of 10 a white person is the position of power so it doesn't just affect our feelings, it affects our livelihoods as well.
I disagree that me speaking about racism is divisive. Actually, that is what white people tell me when they want to divert the attention elsewhere. You can't possibly imagine what it's like to be Black in America, which is why I don't fault you for these comments that you're making out of ignorance. It's impossible for white people, white women in particular, to understand because your experience is so much different than ours. That is why I speak to white women because we should be using what we have in common as women to get to common ground. It is not helpful for white women to attempt to highjack our feelings and minimize them, which is what you are unknowingly (or knowingly) doing to me when you tell me that I interpreted something wrong. Just because you don't agree with how I felt about what you said doesn't make it wrong. Your opinion doesn't supersede mine and nor does mine supersede yours. They are just differing opinions that belong to different women. The more we can respect what another person is saying without imposing our will over their feelings or experiences, the closer we will get to an inclusive society. But there can be no unity without accountability, and when white people continue to push the burden of racism and division on Black people who did not create it in the first place, we get further away from a solution.
Telling a Black person to "challenge themselves" as the oppressed, is like telling an abused woman that she deserved to be hit. I am also a domestic violence survivor so I know this mentality first hand.
People often blame abused women for being in situations that cause them harm with little to no regard of the psychological affects that abuse causes. Racism also causes psychological and physical trauma that most white people disregard. Your words are judgmental and condescending which is what white people often offer in talks about racism. They become defensive and deflect to blaming Black people for a situation they benefit from and solving the problem stagnates yet again.
There are white women who understand what I'm saying and are actively working to help as empathetic allies. You mentioned Julia Hubbel in your article and she is definitely someone who not only gets it, but writes with a much more in-your-face tone than I do. I've found white women don't take talking about racism as well from a Black woman, so maybe she is better to help educate you on this than I. We continue to go in circles and I am engaged in the fight to save the lives of my children.
You ended your comment with asking me about how I am contributing to division in this country. Just the fact that you have asked me, a Black woman, how writing about my honest experience with racism in this country is contributing to the division created by white supremacists speaks volumes and it's frankly sad that you don't see that. I don't have the luxury of stepping in and out of racism and engaging in my free time. This is my LIFE and until you understand that, our conversations will be fruitless, unfortunately.
Thanks for the dialogue and my best to you in your quest to do whatever it is you are doing to make things better.
